I Hate Banks

Not the banks themselves, but going to them. 

I stand there, shuffling awkwardly, a the teller smiles at me. 

Do I go up to the counter? 

Do I not? 

Is she just smiling to be polite?

Is she pissed that I haven't gone up to the counter yet?

There's too much social-ness for me and too many things that I over think. 

Same with post offices. 

And checking out books from the library. 

And ordering drinks at Starbucks. 

Basically the process of me going up to a counter and interacting with a person. 

xx,

Jill

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So That Unpaid Thing...

…had me on my feet from 9:00-4:00 with a half hour lunch break at 11:30.

I suppose that 6 1/2 hours is a bit less than the usual 8:00 to 5:00.
Why was I writing this?
Oh yeah.
New chapter soon...
Ish.
Soon-ish.
I want coffee.
Hell.
I get distracted easily.
The hell was because I forgot the other relevant thing I was gonna say. Should I have wrote going to? Oh well.
I hope you're having a prosperous, enjoyable day.

xx,
Jill

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Rambles That are Ramble-y

I feel guilty. 

I haven't posted in like ten years. 

Probably more like ten days. 

Still. 

And I'm tired. Very tired. 

I'm sleep deprived working from 9:30 to 5:00 and not being paid. 

Ahh, the joys...

Possibly starting at 9:00 or 8:00. Possibly endings 7:00.  It varies based on the day. 

It's okay. I like it.

It could be worse.

Woah. I'm tired. The bags underneath my eyes are so dark they could be *pauses*...

Anyway, that joke seemed tactless. Or tacky. Possibly both. 

My phone's at 7%.

Hayley Williams from Paramore is informing me that she's drowned out all her senses. 

The lamp is giving me a bloody headache, it's so bright.

I have to clean. 

So no sleepy sleep. 

And floss. I haven't flossed since Thursday, which is icky, I know. When was the last time you flossed, though?

I shouldn't publish this. It isn't decent content. 

Oh well. 

xx,

Jill

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i cant sleep

ive been trying to fall asleep for an hour and a half, just lying in my bed, staring at the ceiling
no lights
no phones
no electronics
just me and my yoga pants and over sized t shirt and fuzzy blanket trying to sleep
i cant sleep
i cant even be bothered with proper punctuation
i am not tired
i just feel like i should be tired or should be sleeping because tomorrow morning i will have to get up and do things with my life that require energy and me being productive

i feel like i could write the great american novel
or i could should no could no should clean everyhting
everything
like arrange it perfectly
like i prefer it
i could write a screen play
or spend all my money on clothing
that i wont wear
because i dont feel
gafhklasfdhaf
my mind just
it isnt full of thoughts
im not having an emotional pondering
i just feel hyperactive like i can do anything

when you say you cant sleep people suggest everything
just lie still
deep breaths
eye closed
drink warm milk
i still cant sleep
i mental wrote a whole generation for this legacy
because i could write the great american novel

and im picturing having conversations with someone
and we are talking about how you feel when you make a mistake
youll be isolated from society and everything
outcast not isolated
i cant sleep
im rambling

i dont know

xx,
Jill

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