One: A Mudane Saturday

   Pound. Pound. Pound. My feet hit the treadmill over and over as I stared at the mirror, my mind racing as the radio blared the local Pittsburgh station. I had to lesson plan for this week. Arbor Day was this week, we could do some activities where the students glued green tissue paper to brown construction paper, call it a DIY tree, have arbor be the word of the week, finish up the shapes unit.
   "The mail's here, Lavender." Ms. Swanson, a sweet elderly lady who rented the apartment across from me, said, peeking her head in the exercise room.
   "Thank you." I replied, as she shuttered.
   "That's simply horrible."
   "Pardon?" I asked, befuddled. She pointed to the radio, that I'd been tuning out.
   "Floated from Elkins, West Virgina. Local authorities are collaborating with WV police to try and solve the case."
   "What happened?" I asked, as she shook her head, murmuring how you can never be too careful these days.


   "They found a body in the river six days ago, so horrible. They were able to trace it south, since a portion on the person's arm and a backpack near some waterfall, and can't figure out if it was a homicide or suicide. People these days, with their technology, making it so easy to track 'em down. You be careful, now, Lavender, you don't talk to strangers online or anything, my granddaughter Siree has a, whatdya call it, Instgrandparent? I tell her, now, don't be posting anything that people can use to identify you."
   "I'll keep that in mind." I smiled, continue to run on the equipment, as she left the room. She was a sweet lady, however she still hadn't adapted to the 24/7 new coverage, social media, hand held electronics and was very suspicious. I turned off the machine, stepping off of it, taking a sip of water from my bottle. I'd ran two miles in sixteen minutes. Not bad for a Saturday morning that I'd rather spend eating brunch with Sandi and Quinn, the three of us made up half of the kindergarten teachers at Pittsburgh Public Primary School, the only three under fifty; consequently they were my two best friends.

   I stepped into the lobby, unlocking my box, as my phone buzzed. I glanced at it, to see that Quinn wondering if we wanted to do a girls day out, she needed to restock on Crayolas, Sandi wanted to buy seedlings, potting soil, and miniature terracotta pots so her class could paint and plant as Friday's fun day activity. She'd majored in elementary education with a minor in visual art; Ms. Telph's class was known as the creative one.
   I replied with a sure, meet me at my apartment in ten, as I pulled out my mail. Bills, bills, the newspaper, bills, a woman's magazine subscription my mother had signed me up for, bills. Nothing interesting. I placed the stack of paper under my arm, as I decided to take the stairs, instead of the elevator. I padded up the carpeted stairs quickly, to the fourth floor, racing down the hall, unlocking my apartment. 412. I threw the mail down onto the kitchen counter, turning to the bathroom. I was a sweaty mess; I needed to shower.

   I threw my workout clothes into the hamper, stepping into the shower, turning the metal nob. The cool water was refreshing, as it hit my bare skin. I lathered my brunette hair with shampoo, as I heard a knock on the front door.
   "Lav, Quinn and I are here." Sandi exclaimed, as I rushed to rinse my hair.
   "It's unlocked; let yourself in!" I shouted, unsure if she'd be able to here me over the rushing water. The creaking of the door did away with my uncertainty.
   "Skedaddles! You're so adorable." I heard Quinn coo to my cat, like she did every time she visited. The tabby yowled, she probably had attempted to pick him up, something he despised and only aloud me to do.
   I emerged from the bathroom, wrapped in a pastel cotton robe, my hair in a ponytail, seeing that they'd already made themselves at home, sitting on my white sofa, the television turned on.
   "A little casual, don't you think?" Quinn teased, standing up, following me into the bedroom.

   "Quinn!" I exclaimed, as she shut the door.
   "I want to tell Sandi about... About us. You've been avoiding me. What's going on?"
   "I... I..." I turned away, biting my lip. We'd been dating for two months, we'd planned a single's night on Valentine's day, then Sandi canceled because her mother's health problems had flared up once again. We didn't want to cancel, since reservations at the restaurant we were planning on going to were difficult to come by, so Quinn and I went, we chatted, drank some wine, one thing led to another and soon we were making out in the back of a cab. "I lied to you."
   "What do you mean?" Innocence crept into her voice, my guilt increasing.
   "I'm not a lesbian."
   "What? You aren't? So... So, you're heterosexual?"
   "No..." I paused, turning to face her, as she avoided my gaze.
   "So are you asexual? Skoliosexual? Trans? Pan?"
   "I... No." I glanced at where she was staring, my kitty's toy bow, surprised that she hadn't brought up the one orientation that I identified as, yet knew what skolio was. "I'm bi."
   "You're... Bi?"
   "Yes." She staggered backwards, befuddled. "But you're attracted to me?"
   "I am."

   "Do you... I don't know. I, are we still together? I don't, gods, I mean no one tells you about things like this, what to do in a not heterosexual relationship. I have to keep it a secret at work because some of the parents would flip, Lav, what are we supposed to do?"
   "I think we should take a break." I confessed. We'd been friends since all three of us were hired the same year, two years ago, I didn't want to ruin that by us dating. There were policies we'd have to abide by that we were currently breaking and, even though I was attracted to both genders, I felt a stronger pull towards men, like instead of fifty-fifty I was sixty-forty and I wasn't sure if that was average or if I could still identify the way I wished to; I hadn't told my parents, even though I was sure as insanely liberal as they were, they would be indifferent as to who I was sleeping with, provided that I was in a loving, caring relationship.
   "How long have you felt like this? We haven't been dating that long..."

   "I'm sorry, Quinn, honestly, you're a wonderful woman who deserves someone who's completely committed to you, that doesn't have the doubts I have. I, just, we're friends and co-workers."
   "So this doesn't have anything to do with you not being a lesbian?"
   "It might play a small part, a teeny tiny part in fueling my doubts, but it doesn't change how I feel about you, I do think that you're a caring, intelligent, attractive woman." I confessed.
   "Let's just... Let's go back, act like nothing happened. Like we'd never started dating in the first place."
   "Please don't be upset, I-"
   "I'm fine, okay? Now we're doing girl's afternoon, so, just, you keep looking hot, Sandi will keep being oblivious, and I'll buy Sam Smith's album on my phone and some Ben and Jerry's for tonight." She spun around, pushing open my bedroom door. I wanted to tell her she didn't have to be bitter, it wasn't her, truly, despite the line being the largest cliche in the book, it wasn't her, it was me.

   "Hey, Lavender, how come you didn't tell us you were on TV?" Sandi asked, staring at me, her eyes wide.
   "Whadya mean?" I chuckled, confused. "I'm not." I glanced at my television, a present my parents bought a few years ago to congratulate me on getting the teaching job, seeing a news anchor prattle on and on about the murder. It was tragic, there weren't lots of homicides or suicides that were featured on the morning news, however there were enough that it wasn't peculiar or particularly interesting. "I don't see a doppelganger."
   "Wait, wait, listen, they'll being the picture up again."
   "Ehem, an update on the body found from Elkins. The authorities have announced at the press conference earlier this morning that the victim was a female in her early forties who was approximately five feet five and one hundred eighteen pounds. They are working on further identifying her; her body was too water damaged to do facial recognition and her dental records were not in the system. If you are aware of a missing female from the surrounding area, please contact you local police, they will report to the Pittsburgh or Elkins' force.
   It has been determine that the victim, who is being called Jane Doe, died from an apparent suicide, the toxicology screen revealed that the victim had consumed a large amount of sleeping pills and bleach. There was trauma to the skull as well as hair line fractures, traces of blood splatter has been found on rocks near the bottom of the waterfall, it has been assumed the victim stumbled there after consuming the chemicals. The cause of death was drowning. Now to our crime analyst, Dee-Dee Decker for an exciting break in the case." The screen switched to another woman, as I winced. The media was portraying it as a real life CSI case; this death wasn't something that should be portrayed as entertaining, they were disrespecting Jane Doe and whoever the hell her family was.

   "Thank you Shayleigh. The contents of the backpack from the waterfall has also been announced, at the press conference. There were ink pens, stationary, a Polaroid camera, and, interestingly enough, eight letters. Many popular films have included long, drawn out poetry or letters before the protagonist dramatically takes his or her life, this leaves authorities wondering if Jane Doe was wishing to receive the same level of infamy. A professional psychologist has analyzed the letters and determined that she was paranoid and schizophrenic, photographs attached to the letters include one of her toddler daughter. Computer aging technology has been used on the photo to determine what she might look like now, as seen here."

   "Pfht!" I exclaimed, when the photo of the toddler appeared on screen, next to the one of the computer aged pic. "That looks nothing like me."
   "You're kissing, right?" Quinn scoffed. "Lav, that's you. You said you were adopted, right?"
   "When I was three, but tons of people do, besides that woman looks nothing like me."

   "Here." Sandi held up her phone, where she'd taken a picture of the screen and edited it, so she had brunette hair and violet eyes, like I did.
   "Oh... Oh my, oh..." I staggered backwards, holding the phone. "I-I... I'm her. But I, I can't..."
   "If you recognize this female, please call this toll free number." A bright yellow one eight hundred number flashed on the screen, as my hear beat faster. Could I be her? Was it possible? My parents were honest about me being adopted, we had an adoption day celebration every year, they took me somewhere fun, gave me a present, we had cake and ice cream, then I got to have three friends sleep over. They'd told me that they tried every fertility treatment available and still weren't able to naturally conceive, so they decided to adopt from a local foster care system. Would I, could I, I mean I couldn't, yet I looked identical... Who was I?

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