Four: Read this Letter When You're Having An Out of Sorts Day

   Creative. I needed things. Food. People ate food. I put rice cakes on my list. Cakes? Crackers? Cakes? Crackers. Multivitamins. Vitamins. Nutrients. Fuel body. Things I needed. Poor. No money. I had no money. I use to.
   Sometimes I think about the uses to. Voices say not to. The more I think, the more I'm told that they will find me. I don't know. Am I stupid? I'm stupid. Am I? Use to... Use to me, who was she? She's bad. Stupid. A lie they made to mess with you. That's what voices say. Don't think about past. They find you.

   I stood in front of a produce stand, outside a grocery store. I'd managed to walk to the convenience store, then hitchhike my way into the town. Town. Town name. Hidden. Hiding. Season. Hidden Springs. That's town names. I'd been squatting for two weeks. Hadn't slept since... Days. Three? Five? Voices flared. Me frazzled. Cannot think.
   Need things.
   Grocery stand.
   Stealing. Poor.
   Job? Could I get job? They might need identification. Birth certificate. Social security. ID. They track me. Tax forms. They find me. Track me with those things. No. Off the record. Off the books. Steal. Steal fruit.
   Which fruit? Pokey, yellow? What is it? Pineapple, you stupid. Voices say.
   "There's a better grocer's on second street."

   Voice. Not mine. Man's. Man? Person. Where? Is it them? They find me. Found me? Run. Go. GO! You stupid. Not running. Staring at fruit.
   I run.
   Ran. He stare. Me give explanation?
   "Voices made me!" I yell. Run. Why I tell bad man that? Stupid. Horrid.
   "Pardon?" He asked, stepping forward. "Linus Levanoid." He stuck out his hand, smiling.
   "I..." Lie. You made up name. Sylvia Griffin. Voices say lie, so lie. They can't find me. "Sylvia Griffin." Act normal. If he suspicious, they find you, he tell them. Use to me not scared. Today... Triggered memories. Use to. Bad? I couldn't think straight; my thoughts were coming in pieces. "Sylvia Griffin." I smiled, shaking his hand.
   "Nice to meet you, Ms. Griffin, I didn't mean to scare you, I just meant to say, this grocer's currently tied up in a law suit because they've been labeling non-organic foods as organic. There's a Whole Foods on second street." Whole Foods. I shopped there. They... Pumpkin mousse cake. Sponge cake, topped with pumpkin mousse. Use to me, they bought it for me. Every year.
   "Thank you, Mr..." What did he say? Stupid you. Horrid you. Did he tell you his name?
   "Levanoid, like Levanoid Lake." I looked at him blankly, the voices lecturing me on how unobservant I was. "My father donated a lot of money to City Hall's tourism office, so they renamed the lake." He shrugged; he must of interpreted my facial expression as one of confusion.
   "Oh, oh, yes, I'm, uh-"
   "New to town? Most residences are old money, summering here; everyone knows everyone. The locals are people who've moved here to get away from the city-" Bad. He know I'm running.
   GO.
   Go!
   Why are you not running?
   Go.
   I... I use to not have to run.
'  The voices didn't dictate me. Stupid. Me horrid. Yes they did. Did they? This day... It was special.

   "Alright." I said, nodding, having not listened to the rest of his spiel. "I'll try and go." I smiled. Who would be easier to steal from? I wasn't always like this...

With Love,
   Sylvia Griffin

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